Friday, 16 April 2010

A few things you might not have wanted (or needed) to know

Never in my life have I been: swallowed by a whale. This leads me to believe that whoever wrote the Bible and 'Pinocchio' were talking out of their arses.

The one person who can drive me nuts is: this girl that used to be in my Drama class for A-levels. She was like Ralph Wiggum, except not funny or endearing...just really stupid.

High school: was when my friends and I used to spend all our breaks on The Bench. This was a bench outside the staff room that used to get us angry if anyone else sat on it. We weren't swots, we just liked it. We carved our initials into it on the last day of school, but Fran got caught.

When I'm nervous: my lips go pale apparently.

The last song I listened to was: 'Maps' by Yeah Yeah Yeahs in Tom's car. I was warbling along so loudly I don't think Tom got to hear much of it.

If I were to get married right now my maid of honour would be: Lou for sure! With all the other girls as bridesmaids obviously, I'd like to think this is because I'm a good friend, but really I think it'd be funny to see all of my closest female friends fighting over a bunch of flowers.

My hair is: very blonde and - thanks to a recent haircut - very very VERY short, I look like a dirty hipster/lesbian.

When I was 5: I actually tried eating sand to see what it would taste like. The results were not good. I also went to school with this girl who used to always burst into tears when you got to the 'If you're happy and you know it say 'we are' - WE ARE!' bit in that famous pop ditty If You're Happy and You Know It. I still have no idea why...

Last Christmas: I drank pretty much every type of booze imaginable (including vodka and chocolate milk, it tasted like arse) and had a 'Spotify-off' with my brother. This involved us playing songs on Spotify one after the other.

I should be: professionally fabulous. If anyone wants to pay me to do this they can.

The happiest recent event was: finding out people think I'm actually good at this poetry lark.

By this time next year: I will be a few months shy of graduating and presumably shitting myself.

There's this girl I know that: has a cardigan that makes her look like Jazzy Jeff. She's wonderful.

The world could do without:
David Cameron and his shiny immobile forehead.

Most recent thing I've bought myself: was a huge knitted cardigan from a thrift store. It's wonderful and comfy and Tom says it makes me look like a sheep.

Most recent thing someone else bought me: was a bottle of wine last night. It was very expensive and it made me feel bad getting sozzled on it.

My middle name is: I don't have one. I think my mum decided two first names was quite enough, too many and I would have ended up drunk with power or one of the Geldof children.

The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are: hippos wearing tutus.

Once, at a bar: I drank a lot of booze to make myself less shy about talking to a boy I fancied. I ended up taking both my shoes off at once, falling on my back, kissing the boy and being sick in a men's toilet sink. We've now been together for nearly two and a half years and I'm still convinced the only reason he asked me out again was to see if I'd get that drunk again.

Last night I was: showing Tom's sister around Sheffield and getting sozzled in the process.

There's this guy I know who: once did Liam Gallagher impersonations with me in a club.

Tomorrow I am:
going back to Manchester.

Tonight I am: eating one of my mum's roasts and attempting to pack and write a poem.

My birthday is: in October and will be a hazy, lovely affair.

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